Alana Is Reading

“Ugh, I was out in the sun too much this morning. If I’m not careful, I’m going to get blonde.”

“This year for my New Year’s Resolution, I’m going to stay on top of my hair. I’m not going to let the roots show like I did last year. I’m going to stay perfectly brunette at all costs.”

“I can’t believe that she thinks she can get into a club with that hair. It’s the color of a banana. Disgusting.”

“Have you seen my new bumper sticker? No blondies.”

“I went to my doctor because of bad headaches and he didn’t even examine me. He just said, ‘It’s probably from all that blonde hair. Just get a dye job and it’ll probably clear up.’”

“I went to my class reunion and half of my classmates are blonde now. Serves them right.”

“Should you be out here in the sun like this? Isn’t your hair blonde enough already?”

“Seeking fun-loving woman. Appearance not important. Brunettes and red-heads only.”

“It was an 11 hour flight and I was stuck sitting next to some disgusting blonde the whole time. Never again.”

“The script calls for a blonde, but we’ve decided to cast a brunette and bleach her hair. No one wants to see a real blonde on a movie poster.”

“I’ve never been blonde, but I dye my hair anyway just to be safe.”

“Why can’t the blondes just all dye their hair? No one wants to look at that. It’s not like there aren’t plenty of dyes available. They’re just too lazy to care about themselves. Most of them spend all day laying out in the sun to get blonde. It’s gross.”

“I’m only telling you to dye your hair because I care about your health. If you keep it blonde, you’ll get skin cancer.”

If you’re not blonde, imagine that you are. Imagine hearing things like this every single day for your entire life. (Maybe even imagine that you CAN’T dye your hair. Maybe you’re allergic to dye. Maybe you don’t have the money. Maybe you just don’t want to support the hair dye industry.)

Now replace “blonde” with “fat”. Welcome to my world.